I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
