whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
