She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
