you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
