i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
