So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
