Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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