I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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