Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
