They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
