You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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