So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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