It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
