So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
