her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
