I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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