i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
