He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
