I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
