So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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