They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
