Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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