If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
