Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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