KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
