This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
