Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
