see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
