There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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