I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's blow job season.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have post one night stand depression
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