Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
