Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
