The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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