like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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