careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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