Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's always time for handjobs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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