Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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