I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
