His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
