My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was like eating out sand paper
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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