No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
