Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
