i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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