You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
