On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
