bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
