was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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