haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
