he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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