Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
