The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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