Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
