On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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