I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
