My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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