Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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