I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.