Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster