Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

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(330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor

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(573): View more from Missouri

i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.

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(573): i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina. http://tfl.nu/5va6

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(330): View more from Ohio

yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

(1-330): View more from Ohio

i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

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(330): yah i'm on my way- is everything ok? (1-330) i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok http://tfl.nu/s4ag

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

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(228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk

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(970): View more from Colorado

Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???

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(970): Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas??? http://tfl.nu/mb80

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(231): View more from Michigan

bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

(517): View more from Michigan

Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

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(231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx

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(214): View more from Texas

I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat

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(214): I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat http://tfl.nu/a753

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(716): View more from New York

My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.

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(716): My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu. http://tfl.nu/wnz4

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(916): View more from California

Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

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(916): Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface? http://tfl.nu/c14f

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.

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(828): I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm. http://tfl.nu/jyta

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(480): View more from Arizona

Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.

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(480): Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan. http://tfl.nu/ryui

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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(970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo

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(512): View more from Texas

we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja

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(512): we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja http://tfl.nu/0h0h

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(231): View more from Michigan

You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches

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(231): You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches http://tfl.nu/iwei

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(317): View more from Indiana

My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low

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(317): My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low http://tfl.nu/zc60

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