Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes