I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO