i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
