My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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