my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
should my penis look like a turkey
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
