you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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